Grace

When I was 18, I met Craig Sayle and we became fast friends. Craig viewed God differently than anyone I'd ever met. On the subject of grace, Craig explained that salvation wasn't about me, but about Jesus' sacrifice on my behalf. I responded with something like "yeah, when I was lost and didn't deserve His love, He loved me anyway." Craig said "you don't deserve it now, Jason...but He loves you anyway. The only difference is that you've accepted His gift...but you're still undeserving of it. THAT is the beginning of grace."

In the years since, I've seen God's grace demonstrated in more ways than I can count. As my understanding of grace has become clearer, it's become more evident that it's not about me. I am beginning to understand Paul's plea that he decrease and Christ increase in his life. 

If not for the reality of grace, I have no hope. If not for the evidence of grace, I have no peace. If not for the presence of grace,  I have no purpose. Without the example of grace, I don't have the capacity to love.

In short, there's one thing I'm sure of: without grace, I have nothing. If I don't extend grace to others, I cheapen the reality of the grace in which I survive. Unless I share grace, I take for granted the very grace that allows me to take my next breath. 

Life in the reality of absolute grace is a learning, and humbling process. I wish I was farther along than I am.

Who is God?

Over the last few months, a number of conversations have caused me to think on the question of God's identity.

God isn't holy, He is the definition of holiness. God doesn't love, He is perfect love. God doesn't have a sense of justice, He is justice. God doesn't act mercifully, He is mercy. God isn't gracious, He is the essence of grace. God doesn't hold eternity, He is eternal. He is all these things and more, all intricately tied together. One cannot talk about God's justice without considering His love. One cannot consider His love without also considering his holiness at the same time. He is always everything that He is. His love does not come to us without holiness, mercy, justice, and grace. God defined Himself to Moses...I Am. If we try to define Him differently than that, then we leave some part of His character out of the picture.

We try so hard to understand God...to conjure ideas and words that describe Him. The main problem with that is that we humans are finite beings and cannot fully comprehend He who is infinite. Because of that, we try to put human characteristics onto God, and that leads to some horribly wrong conclusions. Recently, I heard "How can a loving God willingly send His children to hell? I love my children, and no matter how much they disappointed me, I would never cast them into eternal darkness, to be eaten by worms and burned with an eternal fire." The problem with that question and statement is that the person asking tried to put them self on the same level as God, either by elevating them self, or demoting God. God is beyond our understanding because He is infinite and we are finite. All we know is what we can measure. God, on the other hand, is immeasurable. being measureless, we cannot comprehend Him fully...thus the need for faith.

I'll use "time" as an example of this. God exists in the eternal present tense. He always has been and always will be. That is impossible for us to grasp because everything we know is based on time. Our clock starts ticking when we are born, and it counts down until we die. Our life is measured in years. Years are measured in months. Months are measured in days. Our days are measured in hours. Hours are measured in minutes. Minutes are measured in seconds. That is all we know. God, on the other hand, doesn't operate in time. He created time, but it holds no meaning for Him. If I could get a physicist to explain quantum mechanics to you, in a way you could understand, until you put quantum mechanics into practice in your life, it would hold no real meaning for you. God is the same way where time is considered. He understands it (because He created it), but because He doesn't operate in it, time is meaningless to Him.

Below is an illustration I came up with that shows this more clearly than I could describe. There is a dot above a line. The line has an X at either end. The X on the left represents "creation" while the X on the right represents "judgement day." God is represented by the red asterisk.



Everything that mankind understands and experiences falls somewhere on that line; past, present, and future. God, in the eternal present tense, doesn't experience a past, present, or future. In eternity, creation and judgement can be viewed as simultaneous events.


If that is a mind-boggling concept, then consider that everything about God is equally difficult to grasp. If He is who He claims to be, then logically we cannot expect to fully understand His nature on this side of eternity. "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."


God isn't afraid of our questions. We can ask anything, but He is not obligated to tell us everything we want to know. God is God, and we are not. He is omnipotent and we know less than we think.

Identity

I'm Jason, the son of Mike and Ginger; grandson of Boot and Catherine, John and Mozelle. I'm Christy's husband. I'm Kaylee's daddy. I'm Elisha's daddy. I'm Katie and Lindsay's brother. I'm uncle to Emma, Ellie, Kendall, and Josh.

I'm a friend to some, acquaintance to others, and unknown to most. I'm a customer and a provider. Some would call me "proud" and "arrogant," while others would say I'm "humble" and "too self-critical." I'm a church member and a committee member.

Some call me a cynic, others say I'm honest. I'm caustic and abrasive to some, while quiet and shy to others. Some people think I'm wise, others consider me a fool. I'm known as a malcontent and a visionary. I've been called "cold" and "tender hearted."

So, what is this...a personal inventory? Not really. It's about who I am, really.

When I was young, I saw tendencies in myself that I did not like. I'm critical by nature, and rarely focused on positive things that were part of my personality. I determined, around the age of 12, that I would not allow the negative tendencies to rule my life. The older I got, the more those tendencies would make their way to the surface...and I hated that about myself. Whether I gave in to those tendencies or not, I saw them as weaknesses that I should overcome...to the point where they never reared their ugly heads. There was a constant battle in me to NOT be defined by those things that I hated. It seemed the more I fought them, the worse they got. Now, before anyone starts wondering, I'm not talking about "sin" per se. I'm talking about character traits...personality issues...attitudes. All of those things can lead to sin...but sin is not the subject here.

In my youth, the concept (and reality) of Grace was essentially non-existent. "Grace" was a buzz-word; a punchline. I didn't understand it, and I suspect that very few in my life did either. I knew what grace meant..."unmerited favor"...every good baptist knows that. The problem was that beyond those words..."unmerited favor"...grace meant nothing to me. I knew I'd been saved by grace through faith...but nobody took the time to try to explain it to me. Probably because nobody in my life understood it.

As I've grown to understand grace...mostly by it's evidence in my life...I've come to grips with the fact that if God can love me, knowing me better than I know myself, then I am a fool not to try to see me as He sees me. I was created in His likeness...we all were. Think about that for a second. As different as we all are...as unique as the billions upon billions who've ever walked the Earth...we are ALL created in His likeness. God delights in His creation...and I believe He delights in the diversity of it, specifically. If He'd wanted us all to be alike, He could have used a cookie-cutter and just stamped us out. Nobody would ever have a personality conflict, a difference of opinion, or an argument. He chose to make us unique, yet all of us made like Him. It took a long time for me to like myself...knowing me as well as I do. It took longer for me to really accept me for me...the good, the bad, and the ugly. God made me, just as I am...and He loves me for being me. He delights in ME being ME!

Those who know me well understand that I don't care much what people think of me. My integrity is important, and one of the greatest needs in my life is to be able to look myself in the mirror. Many years ago, I found it difficult to do so because I was living my life to please others...to be what some folks "expected" me to be. I'd tried for SO long to live up to the picture of me that others wanted to see. Those people I respected most...those I wanted to please...they had an idea about who I was supposed to be (because they loved me and wanted the best for me), and I tried to live up to that as a standard. I failed MISERABLY and was, in turn, miserable myself because I wasn't being true to who God had created me to be. When I broke those chains...that bondage to the expectations of others...I was truly free. Free to be me, just as God made me.

I am who I am...and you don't have to like it...but God does...and every day I'm less concerned with what others think or expect. God expects me to be the best Jason I can be. Most days, I fail...but life's much easier with a goal of being all the Jason I can be, and not worrying about other things. When I live to please God, and not man, I fully experience the freedom that His grace provides. 

Are you striving to be the best _______ you can be or are you more concerned about how others see you? Are you striving to live as the image of God you were created as, or the image someone else says you should be?

By the way, I'm pretty sure that I am everything i listed above...and much more.

the good + the bad + the ugly = Jason, just as God made me.