Identity

I'm Jason, the son of Mike and Ginger; grandson of Boot and Catherine, John and Mozelle. I'm Christy's husband. I'm Kaylee's daddy. I'm Elisha's daddy. I'm Katie and Lindsay's brother. I'm uncle to Emma, Ellie, Kendall, and Josh.

I'm a friend to some, acquaintance to others, and unknown to most. I'm a customer and a provider. Some would call me "proud" and "arrogant," while others would say I'm "humble" and "too self-critical." I'm a church member and a committee member.

Some call me a cynic, others say I'm honest. I'm caustic and abrasive to some, while quiet and shy to others. Some people think I'm wise, others consider me a fool. I'm known as a malcontent and a visionary. I've been called "cold" and "tender hearted."

So, what is this...a personal inventory? Not really. It's about who I am, really.

When I was young, I saw tendencies in myself that I did not like. I'm critical by nature, and rarely focused on positive things that were part of my personality. I determined, around the age of 12, that I would not allow the negative tendencies to rule my life. The older I got, the more those tendencies would make their way to the surface...and I hated that about myself. Whether I gave in to those tendencies or not, I saw them as weaknesses that I should overcome...to the point where they never reared their ugly heads. There was a constant battle in me to NOT be defined by those things that I hated. It seemed the more I fought them, the worse they got. Now, before anyone starts wondering, I'm not talking about "sin" per se. I'm talking about character traits...personality issues...attitudes. All of those things can lead to sin...but sin is not the subject here.

In my youth, the concept (and reality) of Grace was essentially non-existent. "Grace" was a buzz-word; a punchline. I didn't understand it, and I suspect that very few in my life did either. I knew what grace meant..."unmerited favor"...every good baptist knows that. The problem was that beyond those words..."unmerited favor"...grace meant nothing to me. I knew I'd been saved by grace through faith...but nobody took the time to try to explain it to me. Probably because nobody in my life understood it.

As I've grown to understand grace...mostly by it's evidence in my life...I've come to grips with the fact that if God can love me, knowing me better than I know myself, then I am a fool not to try to see me as He sees me. I was created in His likeness...we all were. Think about that for a second. As different as we all are...as unique as the billions upon billions who've ever walked the Earth...we are ALL created in His likeness. God delights in His creation...and I believe He delights in the diversity of it, specifically. If He'd wanted us all to be alike, He could have used a cookie-cutter and just stamped us out. Nobody would ever have a personality conflict, a difference of opinion, or an argument. He chose to make us unique, yet all of us made like Him. It took a long time for me to like myself...knowing me as well as I do. It took longer for me to really accept me for me...the good, the bad, and the ugly. God made me, just as I am...and He loves me for being me. He delights in ME being ME!

Those who know me well understand that I don't care much what people think of me. My integrity is important, and one of the greatest needs in my life is to be able to look myself in the mirror. Many years ago, I found it difficult to do so because I was living my life to please others...to be what some folks "expected" me to be. I'd tried for SO long to live up to the picture of me that others wanted to see. Those people I respected most...those I wanted to please...they had an idea about who I was supposed to be (because they loved me and wanted the best for me), and I tried to live up to that as a standard. I failed MISERABLY and was, in turn, miserable myself because I wasn't being true to who God had created me to be. When I broke those chains...that bondage to the expectations of others...I was truly free. Free to be me, just as God made me.

I am who I am...and you don't have to like it...but God does...and every day I'm less concerned with what others think or expect. God expects me to be the best Jason I can be. Most days, I fail...but life's much easier with a goal of being all the Jason I can be, and not worrying about other things. When I live to please God, and not man, I fully experience the freedom that His grace provides. 

Are you striving to be the best _______ you can be or are you more concerned about how others see you? Are you striving to live as the image of God you were created as, or the image someone else says you should be?

By the way, I'm pretty sure that I am everything i listed above...and much more.

the good + the bad + the ugly = Jason, just as God made me.